Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
