its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
