so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hippo gnu deer
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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