He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
