omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
