How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize