he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
