I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
