i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
