I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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