do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
