she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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