mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
