Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
