you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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