Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
