last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
