I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
