its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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