i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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