i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
