Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
