ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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