What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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