i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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