My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
