So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
