the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
