Do you still have your period?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
