Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
