Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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