Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
