dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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