Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
