I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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