Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
