Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I only lived at night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
