Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
