i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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