Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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