after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Couch. On fire.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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