My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
