We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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