Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
