im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need a beard to bite.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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