His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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