Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
