Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
