i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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