She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
