i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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