Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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