Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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