I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
