Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
