dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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