Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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