I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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