Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
