having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
