Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
